Life With You…

We have been through it. We don't do things traditionally. Life with you has broken just about every stereotype of marriage I ever had. Over the last 17 years of life together we have moved 13 times, owned 2 homes, lived in 3 states, visited 34 states and 9 countries, lost 3 babies in miscarriage, … Continue reading Life With You…

Knowning

When this pain hit, I knew You, Abba God.  A Father, closer to me that my own skin.  But, You let me down.  Where were you in her suffering?  Where were you in her time of need?  Why couldn’t I see You?  Why couldn’t I feel You?  I still can’t… not like I used to.  Even … Continue reading Knowning

What I wish people understood: This is not something I’ll just get over

I lived with these people in my life for over 20 years.  One of them was a stabilizing presence my whole life... until now.  I won’t get over their deaths in a matter of months, probably not even in a matter of years.  I don’t know that I even want to get over loosing them. I … Continue reading What I wish people understood: This is not something I’ll just get over

What I wish people understood: Death of Them = Death of Me

I'm new to grieving.  And I've never lost these people before. It's been a year, but I still feel like I'm standing inside a snow glob watching you all carrying on in life like nothing happened.  Trapped in a reality that stood still the minute they died. I'm learning how to live this life from … Continue reading What I wish people understood: Death of Them = Death of Me

Pain: Nemesis or Mentor? Pt. 3

"Lean into the pain..." I hear it... whispers... echoes of a voice I trust. lean into the pain... pain is the intersection where life and death meet, and we get to choose which road we will travel.  What will we let die and what will we nurture to life when we experience pain? Pain is … Continue reading Pain: Nemesis or Mentor? Pt. 3

Tragedy & God

How does tragedy fit into the theme of a loving God? I have no idea I know a churchy answer... but if I were to answer those who have lost loved ones to acts of cruelty or carelessness, or to bad luck or bad genes,  my churchiness would not be appreciated.  In fact those answers might … Continue reading Tragedy & God