I woke up today, just before my alarm… a challenging situation with one of my children on my heart.  I pushed snooze and took in a deep breath… silently pleading for answers as I rolled over… not wanting to leave the warm comforter.   

It was then I saw you… in my mind, behind my closed eyelids… sitting at your kitchen table with grandma… hands held… praying. 

Of course… where all answers to troubles lay…  Thank you, Grandpa… and then I remembered. 

Today is the day.  One year ago.

I remember the sounds of spring outside your open widow… birds chirping… wind rustling the new leaves and branches… somewhere in the distance buzzed a maintenance crew with a leaf blower or lawn mower.

I remember the smells in the room… the faint lemony sweet fragrance of those tiny flowers on the bushes…Lilac? The edgy oder of medical cleaner… shaving cream… fresh laundry… you’d just been washed… shaved. 

I remember the stillness…. Grandma quietly speaking to the nurse who’d come… aunt Connie beside her… and you… so so still

too still…

I remember catching aunt Connie’s eye… I don’t remember speaking, but she was beside you in an instant, Grandma close behind… I remember watching you… so frozen in the moment of your final few breaths… my dad and someone else joining us…

I remember watching your last breath, Grandpa.  I remember leaning in and whispering in your ear… I love you.  Goodbye. 

The sounds outside your window were so vivid.  The smell of spring so alive, mixed with shaving cream… while in your room, time was frozen… utterly still for those sacred few seconds… moments… hours…

The house filled with family and friends, quietly coming and going.  You, so still.  So quiet… laying down

Thank you, Grandpa.  Thank you for everything you filled my life with.  Thank you for loving me, teaching me, praying for me… thank you for sharing life with me, with my husband and my children. 

I miss you today… But I’m so incredibly grateful for that day… for the chance to say goodbye… to be with family, with grandma… to thank you for the life you lived so fully. For living out the examples that are living on still today.


“Oh the joy of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers.  But they delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.  They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season.  Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do. ” Psalm1:1-3
“Then Jesus said, “What is the Kingdom of God like?  How can I illustrate it?  It is like a tiny mustard seed that a man planted in a garden; it grows and becomes a tree, and the birds make nests in its branches.” Luke 13:19

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