I don’t measure up.
I don’t fit in.
I’m too much.
I’m not enough.
I’m too intense.
Fragments of conversations have stuck in my soul like splinters too deep under the skin to pry out with simple tweezers… segments of word choices they used to describe me or converse with me… stuck underneath a surface I can’t penetrate with positivity or new thinking… shards of verbal weaponry stuck in my person… scarring and ugly; some simply red and swollen… some angry and full of pus… some so deep they leave me achy, weak and hopeless…
Lord, I whisper… through a lump of tears on the verse of overflowing, Why can’t I just get over these words and remember who I am, what I truly love and delight it, what You love about me… why can’t I get over these lies? Why do I get so hung up here, with these painful memories and ever-present taunting thoughts… JESUS! Where is my freedom from these things?
And You whisper back,
You don’t measure up to any human standard. This is because I have measured you and found you whole, lacking nothing, fully redeemed, perfect. You don’t measure up because you cannot be measured by anything other than My declarations over you. This is hard for humans to grasp, and you will feel the funk of lacking control over people who simply can no longer be measured in finite terms.
You don’t fit in because you were never meant to. You’ve always been designed to stand out, to glow in a different hue, an alluring and mystifying light, which will attract a varied reaction. Some will be drawn in, some will react with repulsion because the light I’ve infused you with exposes false security.
You are too much to be contained or confined by regulations set up by human understanding. I have positioned you, and that position cannot be revoked or removed, traded or reassigned; giving you a measure of security that leads to possibilities beyond imagination. Most people don’t want to know what is, that is beyond what they currently believe, and when someone implies that things could be other than what is, it’s simply too much.
You aren’t enough of a BS-er to succumb to pleasing people who call you too much. You’ve tasted a freedom that you don’t want to trade in for the confinement of what other’s think you should be or do. You aren’t enough of faker to even try. Thank you.
You are too intense for people who live life in fear of standing out, not fitting in, being too much, not measuring up… none of which you worry about enough to define your life by, any longer. That kind of freedom is pretty intense for those who are afraid of what’s beyond all they can measure, define, control and regulate.
Your freedom isn’t apart from what you’ve been labeled, it’s hidden within the labels. What satan intends for evil God redeems to good, He returns every curse into a blessing, and makes all things hidden come to life in His light and presence, restoring the tarnished, broken, stollen, wounded, damaged. Somethings are not meant to be replaced… what we think of as ugly and in need of replacing, He reveals as gloriously designed, formed masterfully by His creative hand… He is Creator, God, there is no other besides Him. We are His masterpiece, dearly loved, sought after, bought with His own blood, BeLoved creation.